Essay by Nicole Hernandez /
There is a clock at the back of a quiet classroom filled with students taking the exam–the exam which is a moral one–will Colgate pass?
As we entered the 26th week (6 and ½ months) of the Palestinian genocide, I, alongside some of my peers, convened and created a club called Colgate Students for Liberation to open the space for Palestinians and students on campus who are grieving the people of Palestine that are undergoing immense pain, trauma, loss, and stress. Amidst the genocide, one would think that people would be allowed to feel their emotions and grieve. However, the disparaging response to the genocide on campus is…rather scary and disheartening.
Mid-fall, the outlet to be explicitly against genocide felt like walking on a glass floor. Never knowing when it would shatter and cut you as you fell. As more college students began to express their opinions on the matter across the country–specifically criticizing the Israeli government–the more likely it was to get doxed or harassed. Especially if you were a student of color. As for Colgate’s response…there was none. It was like business as usual. The students clocked in their usual 8-4 class times, and occasionally the Instagram infographic would pop up, but the crisis was never translated into an actual conversation. (The topic of social media and technology in general–used as a defensive medium of communication so that people do not have to confront and advocate for their opinions and values in real life–has been an issue on its own. But that is not the discourse in this essay). When I did try to talk to students about the genocide, it was as if it was some virus people were attempting to avoid. This is strange, since most Colgate students don’t even wear masks when a deadly virus or stomach bug is going around. What struck me the oddest about the crisis on this campus was the refusal to learn about it. As stated, when I asked my peers about their views on the crisis, all I heard in response was “I don’t know too much about it” or “it’s too depressing to see on social media, so I took a break from it.” The latter was the most despairing of the responses because it placed into perspective how deep-rooted American individualism and privilege had seeped into the fiber of our essence. To willingly turn away from a group of people who are currently dying only because it disrupts your mental health for 15 seconds does not nearly come close to the current mental health of Palestinians in Gaza. The problem with Colgate’s campus culture is the lack of passion, empathy, and love, which has inevitably strained the morals of students and faculty and has resulted in–simply put–ignorance.
Part of the hostility stems from the fact that there is no safety net to ask questions because nobody wants to look at anything less than the social barometer of intelligence. Mind you, the only way to be unintelligent is if you are unable to learn. Ascribing to such practices that shy away from being openly curious is a disservice to yourself, and the possibility of expanding your mind and palette of empathy. Since everyone on and beyond Colgate’s campus has a brain, we are all able to learn, think, and ask questions, including the ones we are too scared to ask. Observing this aspect of campus culture for the past two years has made me wonder: is the student body undergoing a collective imposter syndrome that prevents us from addressing critical global issues? Or is it that we have forgotten the single most fundamental aspect of humanity; the ability to ask why? The hostility on campus has become a cesspool of intellectual greed, further creating a rift between students instead of creating a space to positively challenge and cheer each other on to grow. Colgate students also seem to be so self-involved that they would rather hoard their knowledge–some in the form of questions–for the simple fact of feeling superior, all the while avoiding embarrassment. News flash: everyone’s confused! So, why don’t we talk about it? If we claim to be scholars and human enough to be considerate of other’s feelings, can we not discuss a pivotal, depressingly historical moment currently happening in our lifetime?
As for the educational standpoint on the crisis, some speakers we have had on campus have been fairly…questionable. Attending these “open-air” lectures has steered far from what it was designed to do, that is, to have students ask questions to the speakers and host an open dialogue. Alternatively, attending said lectures, specifically on the crisis in Palestine, has resulted in strange looks from fellow students and having our questions sidelined. These actions, though what they seem small, accumulate in the campus culture and make it difficult to initiate any conversation. Furthermore, the administration’s hesitation to state its views on the matter through its vague statement(s), makes me question the integrity and moral grounds Colgate stands on. One cannot deny that the leader of a group is the model of the group’s future. How then, does the university expect its students to be upstanding citizens with the ability to defend their beliefs all while exemplifying passive acceptance? I understand that as a busy college student, sometimes balancing school, work, and our social lives can be a lot. We all have goals and aspirations in life. But so do they. When does being a human factor into your Google Calendar?
This is not the time to be passive about genocide. This is the time to be mad, to rage, to mourn. To be furious and follow the rage with action. All in all, it is okay to feel these emotions and let them out because repressing them only hardens the heart. And to feel pain is to know love. Some of the ways we can build a safe community on campus is by first authentically loving ourselves enough to allow ourselves to be beginners, even in higher education. Second, extending that compassion to our neighbors and courageously asking each other how we feel, what we think, and how we can be there for one another. Third, creating intentions for the future and moving forward with them. As part of Colgate Students for Liberation, we have thought about these steps intently to create a wedge of love on campus. Mostly through the implementation of weekly vigils for Palestine. The vigils usually consist of 2-4 speakers, at the Chapel Steps, followed by a prayer and five minutes of silence. By joining for a singular cause, advocating for the human rights of Palestinians, we can show the Colgate community that there are people who care about the crisis and want to help; that it is safe to ask questions and speak up; and that there is space on campus to let your guard down and grieve. Unsurprisingly, the turnout is usually students of color, but some of our white counterparts occasionally join or stop by for a moment. Unfortunately, there have been some negative responses to the vigil, with people pointing and laughing, but mostly on YikYak–an anonymous social media platform where students post comments to their local university community–that are either meant to make fun of the vigils or elicit fear among the student body, but our response to that is: screw it, we’ll do it our way. Nothing about our vigils is meant to offend or provoke fear to anyone. One may find, in joining the vigils, that it is a welcoming experience. What I found to be the most helpful and heartwarming was the prayer at the end of the vigil. Religious or not, there is a spiritual movement occurring when everyone comes together to pray, set positive intentions, and hope for change. It uplifts the soul while affirming and empowering the mind and body to take action. Professor and Imam, Ahmet Celik, has had a profound impact on the weekly vigils that many students are asking for his frequent appearance. With what can only be described as a strong-willed voice, Imam Celik speaks with power and incredible insight, and above all else, from a place of love and hope. I hope Colgate recognizes the power of prayer, community, and love that it has backed away from, so our community can reconvene in a place of unity, will, and virtuosity to combat ignorance and stand for human rights.
Nicole Hernandez is a sophomore at Colgate, currently studying Political Science and Theatre. She loves art and believes that art is a love language that should be shared with the world, not kept a secret.
